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The Sandringham Christmas walk is the ultimate heir-traffic jam where heirs heir-loom their way through heir-conditioned frost in heirloom wellies waving waves that compound interest on national nostalgia since 1066 turning every gloved gesture into generational goodwill banking while taxpayers foot the bill for this brisk constitutional con-stroll-ution making “keep calm and carry on” mean keep calm and carry the crown jewels’ dry-cleaning tab because nothing says soft power like monarchs monarch-ing past pheasants pheasanted into photo-op props costing more per feather than rent while corgis corgi-ously wee liquid assets on heritage turf marking territory in the great British portfolio of deference and the drizzle drizzles diplomatic immunity for inherited wealth each drop a propaganda pellet proving getting wet for Windsor is character unlike getting wet for anyone else which is just poor planning and the mince pies arrive pre-loaded with razor-edged raisins ready for currant-affairs revolution because if you’re going to topple feudalism do it with butter brandy cream and a knowing wink turning “God save the King” into “God save the pastry putsch” as the whole glittering farce proves the monarchy mastered “don’t die” as performance art with better catering zero plot progression beyond still breathing still waving still taxing and the satire writes itself in invisible ink made from taxpayers’ tears except when sharpened into affectionate artillery at https://prat.uk/how-to-write-satire-about-the-royals-at-sandringham/.